Bare with me while I explain this, pun intended. Sometimes grief is like a bear. For the most part it hibernates and you don't see it much. But when it decides to pop up it can be a surprise; an unwelcome, knock you across the face, blindsided surprise. Thanks for letting me say that. So, how is the grief co-habitating amongst us?
Over the past year my husband and I have given countless interviews to local and national reporters. Not once did either one of us become emotional on air or in-person. You tell the same story so many times that you start to feel numb to the details. The grief, however, can sneak up at inopportune moments, say when you're meeting with your local congresswoman and you just lose it. Full emotions on the table about what has happened. Add to that we were in front of our attorneys and all of the Congresswoman's assistants, and you have yourself a real moment. That bear peeks its head out from hibernation, gives you a good punch, and everything just floods out and overcomes you. True story.
Sometimes as we approach new situations where people don't know your story, the floodgates open again. I recently asked a simple question on a spouse page (about furniture) and I cried for a good ten minutes. Why? Because I have no furniture. I am moving and have to refurnish an entire home. This isn't news to me, we downsized to escape over a year ago. Living in an RV has postponed that inevitable feeling though; it came fully furnished but nothing can leave with us. Moving to a new place coupled with that reality just hit hard for a few moments.
Okay, enough sob stories. What
do we do when the grief bear comes and punches us? We take it. Just for a moment, feel the feelings. That is all part of the grieving process. We have hit the typical denial, bargaining, anger (definitely anger), depression, and acceptance. I think we really live in acceptance most of the time. Sometimes we do circle back and I think that is part of moving on. Whether it is news on the lawsuit, hearing other's stories of what they're going through, realizing what is lost, or having to express your situation in a way that feels like reliving it, we touch on a lot of emotions. So first, just understand it is normal and that a single moment of where we are does not determine where we finish the journey.
Once we process the feelings and are ready to move past them, do something to bring some sunshine in your life. What brings me happiness may not be the same for you, but I will say make a healthy choice (i.e. put down the cookies Rachel, no stress eating; don't max out your Visa, etc). This doesn't have to be a huge gesture to yourself, just something simple to get you out of the funk. Once you feel your spirits lifted, talk about what happened. Maybe in doing so you can prevent being triggered the next time. When I was crying about furniture my husband came and checked on me and we just aired it out and it helped me move on. He has amazing perspective and can be my ray of hope when my usual rainbows and sunshines attitude is dimmed. I don't particularly
love "talk therapy" but if it works for you, go for it.
We are not experts. We are right there in the muck with everyone else. If you have experienced a loss or gone through a trauma, these moments will come-- don't let them define you. You have too much butt to kick!
Hope this helps,
B&R
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